just that

i really don't know what to do.

i wanna read, i wanna write. i want to cry. i want to sleep. i want to focus on something..
and i want something to focus on.
how stupid could i be saying that my brother has no focus. while in fact me myself couldn't focus on anything as well.
this is why i hate EXAM week.
most of the time it's the part of the..... hmmmm.. days?? weeks? months? i dunno,
that i want to do something but i can't 'cause i have to do something else. in the end i haven't done anything at all.
NONSENSE RIGHT?

i miss my dad already.
he just left yesterday but i already miss him.

[sigh]
would i be able to pass my midterm?
this is stupid.

i'm just procrastinating! and was just looking for excuses or let's say just ignoring the fact
that I AM PROCRASTINATING!

sad ralities.

gone with the wind! poof!

[sigh]i remember the talk i had with my father last night
i think that was the first time that i talked to him 'bout how his illness was
and then tears rolled on my cheeks. i couldn't stop them.also i couldn't
show them. now i'm wondering why.

that day, yesterday. some persons that i love went out on places far away.
it's sad but then again one of my brothers told me not to be sad
because it'd be harder for them to leave if we were like that,
i bore that in mind and besides there was nothing i could do.
it's a part of their duty but it's just that i wanted to spend more time with them
even just a little more.... :(( [sigh]

part of me wanted to cry, but i kept that "thing" in mind
instead,i wondered how to keep in touch with them [do we still have to wonder about that?while cellular phones are all around] ugh! really can't put it to words!
[i feel like crying once again...:'( but i guess it's just because i'm sleepy. hehe!!]
and then....that night. at the car,me and my father, on our way to SM,
looking at the window, hearing my father confess to me about what happened
with their check-up that day and a lot more. i cried. i actually cried..
i remember him saying "ONLY GOD KNOWS"
then i nodded ^_^