i wanna read, i wanna write. i want to cry. i want to sleep. i want to focus on something.. and i want something to focus on. how stupid could i be saying that my brother has no focus. while in fact me myself couldn't focus on anything as well. this is why i hate EXAM week. most of the time it's the part of the..... hmmmm.. days?? weeks? months? i dunno, that i want to do something but i can't 'cause i have to do something else. in the end i haven't done anything at all. NONSENSE RIGHT?
i miss my dad already. he just left yesterday but i already miss him.
[sigh] would i be able to pass my midterm? this is stupid.
i'm just procrastinating! and was just looking for excuses or let's say just ignoring the fact that I AM PROCRASTINATING!
[sigh]i remember the talk i had with my father last night i think that was the first time that i talked to him 'bout how his illness was and then tears rolled on my cheeks. i couldn't stop them.also i couldn't show them. now i'm wondering why.
that day, yesterday. some persons that i love went out on places far away. it's sad but then again one of my brothers told me not to be sad because it'd be harder for them to leave if we were like that, i bore that in mind and besides there was nothing i could do. it's a part of their duty but it's just that i wanted to spend more time with them even just a little more.... :(( [sigh]
part of me wanted to cry, but i kept that "thing" in mind instead,i wondered how to keep in touch with them [do we still have to wonder about that?while cellular phones are all around] ugh! really can't put it to words! [i feel like crying once again...:'( but i guess it's just because i'm sleepy. hehe!!] and then....that night. at the car,me and my father, on our way to SM, looking at the window, hearing my father confess to me about what happened with their check-up that day and a lot more. i cried. i actually cried.. i remember him saying "ONLY GOD KNOWS" then i nodded ^_^
The next morning was set for their science quiz. Again Carissa aced the lot,
The bell rang shortly after they’ve received their grades
“Carissa, will you stay for a moment, please.” Mr. Wesley told her as students started setting off.
“what’s the problem sir?” Carissa asked as the room got empty
“actually there is no problem, I just need a little favor of you.”
“oh. Okay.” She got confused, though this wasn’t the first time a teacher asked for her help, she was always on demand especially when it comes to academics.
“well I suppose you know Claude Allen?”
“yeah---“ she said more confused “what about him?”
“well he was kind of doing a great job in my class a couple of months ago, but then…”
“oh. Didn’t you know he’s in student help program?”
“actually I know.”
“so… d’you want me to tutor him?
“sort of. Just help him get back to his senses, his one of the best students I had and probably the only way to get him back is let him deal with another one of the bests”
“okay. I’ll take the challenge” she agreed “when shall we start?”
“I told him to meet you in the library after class”
“oooh.. I’m sorry Mr. Wesley but I have swimming practice later, I can’t meet with him”
“oh is that so, okay, uhmm.. just inform me when you’re free then I’ll fix you up a sched. With him”
“no. it’s okay I think I could fix it up with him myself I’ll just drop off and tell him that I can’t work on later” she said
“oh. Okay, that’d be better” Mr. Wesley agreed “thank you miss Sanders”
“glad to help Mr. Wesley, I’d better be off then.”
Mr. Wesley said his thank you once more as she left the room.
Cedric was waiting for her by her locker “what did he want?”
“tutor” Carissa prompted, unlocking her locker
“who?”
“Claude” she took her book for her next class and shut her locker closed.
It was dark when they finished swimming practice. The team seemed to be the only ones left in campus, they bade each other goodbyes and drive safely’s as one-by-one they got into their cars and left the school.
Cedric escorted Carissa to her car
“oh. Please Ced, you’re being childish” she snapped on Cedric who couldn’t agree on Carissa tutoring Claude “it’ll be fine--- and please put your pride down already.”
He groaned “oh my!” she then said shooting a glance over the basketball court by the parking lot
“why? What is it?” Cedric asked
“Claude” she closed her car and rushed to the court, Cedric followed “I forgot to tell him, I wasn’t gonna be able to meet with him today, he might’ve been waiting for me”
“psh. I tell, you he’s not” Cedric teased
Carissa didn’t mind him, she walked faster.
She open the gate to the court silently and got in “hey.” she greeted
Cedric didn’t follow Carissa through the gate, Claude paused after his last shot “hey.” He greeted flatly
“look I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it earlier, I told Mr. Wesley I’ddrop by the library to tell you I have swimming practice, that I won’t be a able to meet with you but I forgot, I’m sorry” Carissa explained in a low pleasing voice, Claude took the ball which rolled several feet from him “its okay”
Carissa was confused “you’re not mad?”
“no.”
“I don’t get it, weren’t you waiting for me for a couple of hours?”
“no.”
“okay---“ she said questioningly “what are you doing here then?”
“shooting some hoops” Cedric grinned as he heard Claude’s answer, Carissa beamed at him
“okay then, sorry to bother you” Carissa said softly, phasing back at the gates walking towards it.
Claude recovered the ball from his last shot “hey.” He called, Carissa turned to face him
“I saw Mr. Westly at the corridor earlier he told me you’re not gonna make it, so I took the time for my duty in SHP and finished up late” he explained shooting the ball in the basket once again
“oh.” Carissa was relieved “you weren’t in the shower rooms earlier?”
“I was assigned in the science lab today”
“oh”
“I’m not always assigned in the shower rooms” he continued
Carissa nodded “well then, shall we meet tomorrow?” she offered
“yeah. Whatever” he said coldly
“okay. Off I go then, sorry to bother you again, bye” she stated, Claude didn’t mind her and kept on playing, he caught a glance of Cedric as he met Carissa by the gate and smirked.
“I’ll be fine Ced.” Carissa told him as she entered the library after class a week later gesturing him to leave, she looked for Claude immediately “hey!” she greeted when she found him “sorry I’m late” she sat on the seat in front of him, Claude simply grinned
“o---kay” she mused looking innocently at him, she grabbed her physics book, a notebook and a pen from her bag “why did you agree on this?” Claude snapped with a strained tone
“excuse me?”
“won’t Cedric be furious by this?”
“oh. He’ll be okay---- let’s get started”
He didn’t argue anymore though he was still troubled by Carissa’s motive.
A few weeks have pass, Claude have already figured his worries of Carissa. He learned that Carissa merely had the intention of meddling on his duel with Cedric, and that she was just helping him out, and that she was doing a great job of it. Carissa learned a few things bout him as well, he was put under the student help program for trespassing, breaking of school property and alcohol drinking on campus which was a very lethal act. She then knew that he was a former member of the swimming team serving as the captain, winning 2 gold medals, 2 silver and a bronze back when they were freshmen.
When she was scrutinizing what Claude’s intentions were for trespassing, drinking
And every thing he did of why he was in such state when Mr. Wesley gave her the favor, she figured that the girl from Cedric’s story, Catherine, left with her family to Australia. The rumor spread all over campus but apparently Carissa wasn’t into this stuffs though Stella and Crystal were discussing such things during lunch, she didn’t pay much attention. Carissa didn’t press on the subject much all she knew is that they were seeing each other for years and obviously it hurt for him to let go but he couldn’t do anything he just have to.
Carissa eventually put Claude back into shape. He was recovering from his acts; he was doing good in Mr. Wesley’s class though he was still under SHP, he was doing pretty well all in all for he and Carissa were pretty good partners, they work almost everyday, of course they won’t meet up when she has swimming practice or if he has extra SHP duties and if they have their own errands to run.
Claude was staring at the glass window during his history class one morning, the parking lot was pretty crowded, he saw this tiny blue picanto strolling around, he was following its journey and was paying full attention to it. “Mr. Allen, are you with us” he heard his teacher called. He slowly turned his head then nodded. His teacher gave him a jerky look then went back to discussing. He pretended to listen for a little while, he was pretty anxious if the picanto found a spot yet he was laughing silently, he stared back at the parking lot once again. He got disappointed when he saw the blue picanto got a spot when he caught a sight of it once again, he kept on staring at it blankly. Suddenly, its door swung open, a brunet haired girl got out of it, his attention transferred to her then, he was watching her intently as she went for her trunk, pulled it open took a bag and closed it back down. He got a full glance of the girl’s face and figured it was Carissa. He saw her waving then he looked for who she was waving at a few cars away from her he saw a guy, easily he knew it was Cedric. He glanced away unconsciously, looking down on his notebook as if writing on it for a matter of seconds then he look back out. The two figures he was staring at were not in front of the blue picanto, instead he found them walking, greeting sweetly and waving along students they pass by, Cedric carrying one of Carissa’s bag through the school then disappeared from his sight.
A train of thought, of feeling wheeled in him the moment the two were out of sight. He was figuring himself out “Mr. Allen!” a voice echoed on his head, he felt a tap on his back, immediately he got back to his senses, his teacher’s face was quite furious as he saw it. “would you care to answer the problem Mr. Allen?” his teacher asked sounding calm, he stood up staring at the white board so he’d look like solving the problem in his mind as he goes. He took the board marker from his teacher still absent minded, he stood by the board steady for a few seconds, released the marker cap, took a deep breath with thoughts still unmanaged, by the next second then started scrolling things on the board. He set the marker down when he was done and turned to face his teacher for correction. “dude, are you all right?” a voice asked he was then looking at the class, some of them were confused, some of then murmuring others were smiling teasingly, a guy was pointing at the board when he shot a glance at him. He turned back questioningly then snapped at the sight of the word “JEALOUS” written in all caps at the white board “oh snap!” he panicked at the sight of it then erased it quickly. His classmates were laughing on his acts now, he spared to glance at his teacher shaking his head then he said sorry. He managed to erase the word clearly but the bell rang at the moment he was done. “dismiss” his teacher announced.
“stupid, stupid, stupid!” he was telling himself knocking his head hard while walking in the corridor. He got to his locker still thinking idiotic of himself, he placed some books and got some out, closed it and locked. “hey!” Carissa greeted standing by the lockers, Claude was shocked “geez. Don’t do that” he said
“sorry. didn’t think you’ll be shocked”
“yeah, yeah”
Carissa grinned “so, see you after class” she appointed
“thought you had practice today?”
“nah. The coach called it off apparently he’ll be organizing his son’s birthday today”
“oh.”
“so, we could meet then?”
“sure,”
“okay, bye,” Carissa bade sweetly then set off, Claude followed her with a stare.
The library was quite empty when Carissa arrived that afternoon.
“hey! Sorry I’m late-----again” she said as she strode by s table to drop her things off
“it’s okay, I’m quite used to it really.” Claude commented.
Carissa giggled. “so, how was your last quiz on Mr. Wesley’s?”
“well, it’s fine.” He said giving thrill upon his words, Carissa raised an brow probably wanting more to what Claude have said.
Claude took a piece of paper from his bag pocket and showed it to her “I aced it.” He then said.
“ah! That’s great!” Carissa jubilantly said taking Claude’s quiz paper from him looking at it with her mouth opened in such amusement.
“yeah. I owe you.”
Her mouth closed, “no. it’s fine”
“no. really, you have been such a great---- well, tutor” Carissa smiled at the sound of his words
“and---uh… I wanna take you out.” Claude offered “you know, uhm… in celebration of all this” he continued thinking of ways not to make it sound like something’s up with him “would you?” again he offered
“yeah. Sure.” Carissa agreed, her sweet smile still written on her face.
you know how it feels when you run through a couple of pages in your scrapbook or your diaries or your journals written or made during your high school era?
sometimes it gives you goosebumps, sometimes they most likely give you headaches. remembering all those funny, shiny moments you had gives you inadequate inspiration to do things in the same manner as before. Surprisingly the sad moments turns you teary eyed for sometime and makes you wish you could go back in time. And the rest would most likely make you feel like it's done, I could never be a high school student again. Well, that's the reality all we have now are memories of it. all we can do is reminisce, embrace the feeling of missing those days you didn't want to stop crying or laughing, sharing your deepest thoughts to those people you feel comfortable with, and every thing else that made your high school life meaningful.
ewan ko ba why i wrote such post, nakakamiss lang siguro talaga..
it's one of many reason we should thank God, for he have given us the chance to experience every minute of our high school phenomena.
i haven't updated my page since,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
hmmmm.. i don't know!
any way, hmm,.what about? well, i don't actually know what i'm going to type in.
my story is not going well.. writer's block a stupid excuse right i'm just being lazy that's all and there are loads of thoughts whirling around my head
i get stored up with rightful things to do so i do it. it should be done!
been doing quite a lot of stuffs since the start of the second semester and apparent it i feel tired, i was suppose to update my site last night but again "stuffs" to do. so hmmm... what had been going on?
my story's still not done you may have noticed school stuffs an exposure trip... [pics can be seen in here] the twilight movie is out, the thing is my sched got screwed so my plans ALSO got screwed so unfortunately i wasn't able to watch it with my friends. and i ruined their plans of watching it as well.. (not at my best) to be honest, i've riuned a lot of persons plans of this movie because of rough schedule. and right now i just want to have some sleep a really really long one but again, unfortunately, i can't, i'd have to wake up a little early tomorrow [sigh] but it's a good thing i get to go home early tomorrow. *smiles*
so. twlight, hmm... harry potter.... twilight.. harry potter...
hahahahaha!! "first harry potter now that" my mom told me ones [ by that she meant twilight]
well, i think it's just seasonal you know, most prbably harry potter will be brought back to the scenes when WB releases the latest movie then the twilight will spark again when SUMMIT MEDIA releases it's next.
you know a lot of people make it a war between the two novels, movies... but to me they have different... hmmm... you know... they're different, i mean twilight is about vampires and harry potter is of wizard and witches and other stuffs which regards it. twilight and its sequels were writen in a characters point of view while harry potter is on its narrator's point of view. hmmm...my point is, that these are two different genres of stories. ehehehehe!! and nothing further. you decide,
